Speed Dating for Adoption

I know it's impractical of me, but sometimes I wish they had speed dating for adoption.

Hear me out....

What if a group of potential adoptive parents gathered in a room with a group of potential birthmothers? There was a "speed dating" round, where we could all meet and then those interested could contact the ones they "like"  and could potentially move forward.

I'm not oblivious to the problems for all parties from meetings like these. Can you imagine how overwhelming this would be for a birthmother? Also consider the raised expectations of all parties that "today might be the day!" Side note: I wake each morning thinking, "Today might be the day..." The air would be heavy with anticipation and many would leave unsatisfied and unmatched. 

Developing your family profile is like preparing for a round of speed dating.

Umm...just so you know....I wasn't good at dating, speed dating or any other kind....just ask anyone who has know me prior to M! :)

I feel so awkward right now - stressed over presenting our family in the best light so that potential birthmothers will "LIKE" us.

I fret over each little detail of our family profile.

Are we funny enough?
Do S look happy enough?
Are we too eager? Not eager enough?
Too fat? Too thin?
Too boring? (Life with us is certainly NOT boring, in my opinion).
Too Christian, not Christian enough?

The reality is that we are just like many families. Neither perfect or perfectly normal.

We are your fairly normal, bilingual, multicultural household with a two parents, a toddler, a cat, a minivan, a house on a lake, enough to be comfortable, faith, loving and supportive family and friends, a lot of laughter, and an abundance of love.

How do you put yourself out there and try to make yourself appear to be "more worthy" than another family?

Families seeking adoption are there for a reason. Heartache due to child loss, infertility, some feel called to adopt, or a whole host of issues that led them to turn to adoption.

This occurred to me as I was talking to Lianna and we were discussing presenting our profiles to the same location. This means that the same potential birthmother could be looking at BOTH of our profiles and deciding who gets the honor or raising her baby.

But you see, I know Lianna's story. It's just like mine - at least the heartache part is...
I want them to be parents more than anything.
More than myself? Probably - because I already have S.

See the dilemma?

I know, I'm a little slow in realizing all of this adoption stuff - but it never really occurred to me that we would be "competing" against other couples for a child.

But on the other hand, I have no doubt that our child (or twins) will find us....

All I can do is put the best and most realistic version of ourselves out there. Pray for patience. Pray for peace and know whoever the birthmother chooses,  it is the right decision.

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.


1 comment:

Kimberly said...

Hello. I just found your blog while looking at the Orrbies list. I am an adoptive mother, and have enjoyed reading your thoughts and experiences. I was especially moved by your post about how you grieved for the losses of your birth family. We know that feeling well. We have a very open relationship with our daughter's birth family, but her birth mother passed away when she (the baby, of course) was only seven months old. Our son's adoption is very much closed, at the request of his birth mother.

I wish you all the best with pursuing a second adoption. Paper Pregnancy is such a strange and exciting time!