I want one of these in my backyard!

S and I spent the day with Emi and David and their wonderful boys D and E. We met up with them as they went on a paddle boat ride but were interrupted by a typical Florida rain storm. We raced for cover and ate ice cream until it stopped. Then we ran to the playground and played. Made Teddy bear crafts when it started raining again. And then spent the afternoon here on this wonderful contraption that someday when we're loaded, we're going to get one!
Poor S was still feeling a bit under the weather and napped in the sunshine for more than an hour. And yes, I failed on the sunscreen. I did get pretty burnt. But it was such a great afternoon. My mom also came down and got to spend time with Emi and the boys. Too fun.
Later, M came down and we ordered pizza and wings and then had a great dinner. We were sure tired when we got home!!
What a wonderful day!


A frustrating day....

Thursday was so frustrating as a parent that I just couldn't even write about it until today. (Okay, I probably could have written about it yesterday...but didn't have time.) Either way, it was one of the most frustrating upsetting days I have had in quite a while.

We finally got the urine sample off to the lab to rule out a possible UTI. I dropped S off at school for the LAST time for a while (and boo-hooed all the way home!!). S LOVES school, but now that I am not working and we need to solve this health stuff, it makes NO sense to keep her in school and around all those germy kids. (And pay the 800 bucks a month now that I am "unemployed").

I spend the day "cleaning" for my cousing Emi and her family's visit. Turns out, they're not so hip on germs either so they ended up having to get their condo a day early. So my "cleaning" turned into blogging, napping, etc. until it was time to get S from school.

Picking her up from school for the last time was soooo hard. I'm going to save the story for it's own post instead of here.

We headed down to her neurosurgery appointment. After having the pulmonogist and her pediatrician "guess" it was neurological - my hopes were HIGH for this appointment. Dr. G was the same neurosurgeon that saw S when her noggin looked like this.

Here is what was frustrating. In Dr. G's practice, a PA (physician's assistant) usually comes in first to get all the pertinent info and then run it by the doc for more guidance. Dr. G usually comes in for the last few moments, gives his blessing, and sends us on our merry way.

Thurs was no different. The PA and I had an extensive conversation and I watched as her face grow more and more concerned as I explained what was going on with S. The hospitalizations. The tachycardia, tachypnea, hypertension, gait disturbances, sleep apnea, etc. I explained that the pediatrician had consulted with Dr. G and they decided to do a Flash MRI. When I relayed that to the PA, she said:

"The Flash MRI will not show us a clear enough picture - we need to do the full MRI!"

She left the room to discuss with Dr. G and they both came back it. Dr. G asked about her head shape (to which I responded that I was thankful she was a girl so her hair would hide any imperfections) and then proclaimed that we were going to do just the Flash MRI. Totally. Contradicted. The PA!!

I didn't felt heard. (We were the last patients of the day and I could tell he was itching to get out of there...) I asked him what we were looking for on the MRI and he said either hydrocephalus (but he didn't think so since S wasn't having issues), a chiari malformation (possible), and either a tumor or a cyst (not likely). He said we'd have to wait for the results of the MRI but that he didn't "think" it was neurological.

Just. Great.

Don't get me wrong (as my mother did when I explained this story). I'm HAPPY that he doesn't think its neurological -BUT it still doesn't get us any closer to an answer what is causing the issues with S. And I just want answers. Yesterday! (Patience is NOT one of my virtues!)

I also mentioned the delayed response episodes from the other day and he recommended that we take S to a neurologists for a seizure eval.

Not neurological, but go get a EEG to rule out seizures.

The entire visit was a contradiction.

And a frustration.

Somewhere Over Under the Rainbow

We had tons of rain here lately. On the way home in our neighborhood I noticed this rainbow. It got larger as I drove closer, and I actually drove right through it. So cool!


Quick Health Update!

We just got back from a visit to S's favorite doctor, her pediatrician, Dr. V. Yesterday both M and I noticed that S seemed to take longer to process what we were asking her to do. When you ask her where her nose, ears, etc. were, she would look at you - pause and then respond. MUCH longer than before. It seemed to last quite a while - atleast most of yesterday afternoon and early evening. We were obviously concerned so I decided that I would call her pediatrician to see if she thought it was a big deal.

This morning when I got S up, she didn't look or sound good. She was fussy (it was early) and when she cried, she sounded like a seal. My first thought was croup. Actually, if the truth be told, it was "oh crap croup!" But she seemed to settle down. She was huffing and puffing, which isn't really normal I know...but she went with me to my weigh in appointment (down a total of 18 lbs! Yeah me!!) and then I took her to school.

Around 2:30 I couldn't stop thinking about S's delayed response, so I picked up my cell phone and it rang. It was Dr. V calling me!! No joke. She was calling to tell me that the neurosurgeon and nephrologist agreed to do a Flash MRI on S to see what was happening with her noggin. Her neurosurgeon would write a script for the MRI at our appt on Thursday. I explained what was going on with S and she wanted me to bring her in at 5pm. Just to be safe.

So....the long and short of it...

1. S has some fluid on her ears, but it is clear (not an infection) and might explain some of her delay but not all. Dr. V is going to let the neurosurgeon deal with that one on Thurs.

2. S might have croup or at least a cold. If she has any difficulty breathing again tonight, we MUST go to the ER. Because of her hypertension, treating croup would require steroids. Steriods increase blood pressure. S would have to be admitted for treatment.

3. S possibly has another UTI. We will be taking a trip to the lab tomorrow to see for sure. S is prone to them for some unknown reason and so we are suspicious since she seems in pain.

So there you go. Possible fluid is the cause of her delay. Possible croup but be ready for an ER trip and possibly a UTI.

A good time is definitely NOT being had by all.

And funny: Right as I was leaving the doc asked for my number. I said, "Come on Dr. V, you don't have us on speed dial yet?" She laughed and actually admitted that our number is the only patient one programmed on her cell phone. Yep, that's how often she calls us. At home. In the middle of the night. She's fantastic.

The Story of S - Part Two

To read Part One – click here.

August 2006

It was the first week of school. For those of you who are/might know teachers…this is a stressful time and nutty to say the least. My cell phone rang during the day and it was a call from my mom. My mom, RARELY calls me at work so I figured it had to do with her health – so alarm bells started sounding. She left a message that she read an article in our local paper about adoption and that there was a workshop about adoption being held THAT night. I called M and we met downtown and attended the workshop.

It was supposed to last 2 hours and we stayed for 5 hours!!

We were, by far, the youngest in the group. I was 29 at the time, and M was 28. There were three main speakers, an adoption facilitator, an adoption agency, and an adoption attorney.

The facilitator was very knowledgeable, but we decided for financial reasons – we weren’t going to use one. They basically help develop your profile (a book that tells prospective birth parents about you) and hold your hand. All for a whopping 2,500 bucks. Um…no thank you!

The Adoption agency spoke about the hardships of adoption and some of the pitfalls, cost, b-moms changing their minds, etc. They seemed pretty knowledgeable and would ultimately be the agency we went through. They walked us through a workbook on discovering the type of placement we would be willing to accept. We decided to pursue a full Caucasian newborn with no drug or alcohol exposure. The “no drug or alcohol exposure” came from years of working with exposed children in the classroom and seeing the ramifications of that drug/alcohol abuse. We wanted our child to have the best possible start. As a side note: most birthmom's smoke. All of the ones we came in contact with did, including S's birthmom. So excluding this wasn't an option.

As for adoption a full Caucasian child, we wanted a child that looked like us. Simple as that. We wanted the first comment out of people’s mouths to be “What a cute kid!” and not, “Where did you get him/her from?” Ultimately we ended up with S – who I could (and do) swear is genetically related to us. People NEVER ask if she is adopted and are ALWAYS surprised when they discover that she is.

We LOVED the adoption attorney. She was sassy and sarcastic and one of the reasons that we chose the agency – because she was their resident lawyer. She also is an adoptive mom, so she could relate. We didn’t end up meeting with her at all actually, until the finalization of the adoption months after we brought S home.

We had a lot to ponder after the workshop was over. M was apparently distracted as he tried to drive down a one way street the wrong way (in front of a COP no less!) I(N) was TOTALLY on board. M had some soul searching to do. Did I mention M was adopted?

Time passed. Then in October…


Meatballs and Puppy

We went to IKEA for dinner (love me some Swedish meatballs) and some shopping. We bought S a new bedroom set for her big girl room. Her nursery is adorable but ready to be updated for a soon to be 2 year old. So we bought her a comforter set with a pillow and new curtains. Too cute and all for a whopping 35 bucks! I love, love IKEA!
S has an obsession lately with dogs. She has this little dog that she carries around just about everywhere. It barks and whines...which is slightly obnoxious at times, but she puts the puppy nite nite every night before bed. We left puppy in the car when we went into IKEA. S found this "puppy" to carry around. It was bigger than she was!!

When it was time to go, screams ensued because S didn't want to leave her "puppy." In a stroke of parenting genius, I decided to have her put "puppy" nite nite in one of the display beds. She was so cute...she hugged and kissed puppy and covered him up. Then we were able to leave IKEA. Love that girl!


Happy Birthday Baby D!

Our nephew turned two yesterday! We celebrated at an art studio just for kids. They have a glass enclosed room with a drain in it where the kids get to paint on canvas and then paint the walls!! We had a great time and it was wonderful to visit with D's friends from school and N's cousins all the way out from Arizona! Here is a slide show from the party.


The Story of S - Part One

A little background:

M and I met in 1997 while traveling with an international group. We were friends for years although we lived on different continents. While talking online for many months, we were discussing what we wanted in a partner. It was then we realized that we were talking about each other. But he was in Germany and I was in the US. How could this ever work?

It would work (and still is).

It was MEANT to be.

After a whirlwind courtship (two days from exiting airplane terminal to talk of marriage) we were in engaged in August of 2002. We married in M's hometown in Dec. of 2002.

I(N) have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and was diagnosed at 19 with the most severe case that my doctor had ever seen. My ovaries were scarred and covered with tiny cysts and did not create viable eggs.

Fast forward a few years. Wedding. Honeymoon. Move. Another wedding. Another honeymoon. Another move. Still no baby. A very frustrated N and M. We charted, medicated, visited specialists, etc. But still no baby. I was heartbroken and felt like a failure. Every month. Not good for my mental health - let me assure you. Still no baby.

One summer (2006) while sitting in Panera, I was lamenting to my mother about all the fertility crap we had gone through. M and I had had discussed adoption a bit, but it was VERY cost prohibitive. In an off-hand comment to my mom about the cost of adoption, she said that she would end our fertility battle and pay for our adoption. (I would later learn that she said that in hopes that I would "relax" enough to get pregnant on our own). But she did mean it and I raced home to tell M about it.

He wasn't thrilled.

You see, we (M and I) grew up in different countries with different values. In his culture, you don't buy things you can't afford, you save for a while until you can do it yourself, and families don't usually loan/give large sums of money to each other. It just wasn't on his radar that this was an option.

So I let the conversation drop, but continued to dream about becoming a mom. Because there was still no baby.

And then in August, the phone rang....


Under Pressure

We (S and I) went to a consultation with her pediatrician Tuesday. It was basically, a catch-up with where we are in terms of testing, visits to specialists, etc. Her pediatrician is FANTASTIC, but hadn't received all of the notes about our recent visits, cancelled MRI, etc. So she was extremely pretty surprised to hear that we had visited the nephrologist and had gotten a diagnosis of hypertension. (A few weeks before our cardiologist REFUSED to label her hypertensive because he said blood pressures are unreliable in kids under 3).

So, needless to say, she was a bit outraged surprised that they also cancelled the MRI because in her opinion "The problem is most likely neurological". Fan-FREAKING-tastic. Exactly what every mother wants to hear!! She is consulting with our neurosurgeon and nephrologist to come up with a course of action. (The picture above is her blood pressure readings. Her left side was slightly higher and there was a 20 point difference between her arms and her legs. Arms: R80/52 L82/54 Legs: R100/62 L108/50).

She mentioned a Flash MRI as an option (essentially, they wouldn't have to put her under general) but that wouldn't resolve or rule out the pheochromocytoma angle. The thought was to put her under general (which will likely cost us a few days in the hospital) and scan her abdomen as well looking for any abnormailites/tumors/etc.

Although we are no closer to answers, I must mention how disheartening it is to hear day after day that there IS something wrong with your baby, but that no one knows what it is. They (doctors) throw around diagnoses like they are no big deal, forgetting that we are talking about a child. OUR CHILD! A beautiful little soon-to-be-two girl who is full of life, wonder, and laughter. Her medical issues are just a part of the whole. And she is my whole perfect girl.
This is a silly pic on the way home from the doctor's appointment!

We interrupt this blog to...

I've been contimplating changing this blog from all about S, to a family blog - so I am going to include a few more things about M and I.... starting with an update about me...
So here we go...

I have exactly 3.5 more days in the workforce. I took 20 months off of work as a teacher to be with S, but was hired part-time to work at a local community college. It seemed like a good fit. 25 hours a week, working with high school students....but then all hell broke loose with S's health. Through no fault of my own, I missed an average of one day a week taking care of S. Luckily I scheduled her tonsillectomy over Spring Break or it would have been much worse. I could never have predicted how much work I would need to miss - and honestly, why should M miss work when he actually makes a decent income? So I took off work instead.

It was an hourly position. If I didn't work, I didn't get paid. I made a little more than what we were paying for daycare. I enjoyed it, but knew pretty early on that it wasn't going to last. We were able to rearrange some financial things to get into a better situation. (Tough when you have already reached your family insurance maximum by April!) The straw that broke the camel's back was asking for last Friday off. It was a beach trip, with my entire family....AND we only worked half days on Fridays starting last Friday. Basically it was a "how dare you ask for a day off when you have missed so much work?"

Part of me understands completely. They DO need someone who will commit fully to the position and I simply can't promise that I'll be there everyday.

S comes first. End of discussion.

So, as of June 1, S and I will be spending the summer together. I'm looking forward to getting back with our playgroup, trips to library, pool and yes - many doctor's visits (not looking forward to those), but relishing the time I get to spend with my little girl!


Long Conversation with the Pulmonologist

Monday night I had an extensive conversation with the nurse practitioner at our pulmonologist's office. She is amazing and caring and spearheaded the effort in screening S for CF, immune disorders, allergies...etc.

She thinks (and she is a pulmonologist mind you...) that S's problem is due to hydrocephalus or is cyst/tumor related. She is adamant that S needs an MRI and when I explained the extensive rationale that the anesthesiologist gave, she agreed it was risky - but necessary. I explained that we were consulting with her neurosurgeon next week to see if he thinks that a) the MRI is necessary and b) it needs to be done now. We discussed the possibility of a pheochromocytoma and she seemed to also agree that it was a viable possibility. One thing that has been brought up as a possibility (although after I read the research, I didn't sleep for 2 days...so I'm not providing a link...) is neuroblastoma. CANCER. Too scary of a thought to go in to detail. But it is NOT GOOD. At all.

While we wait for more answers, S has been having some wheezing issues that are difficult to treat because most nebulized medications for asthma increase heart rate and blood pressure. We have used these treatments sparingly, but worry what will happen when she MUST have them.

So we continue to wait and look forward to answers!


Beach Weekend Pictures

Pictures of our beach weekend (which was a blast) will go here when I get them from my mom. We forgot our camera!


Not Cystic Fibrosis

We got the call this afternoon. It's not CF. Still no closer to knowing what it IS, but another thing off the list.

Coming up: Consulting with her pediatrician Tuesday the 19th.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

For now, we're at the beach for the weekend with my (N) parents, brother and sis-in-law, nephew and of course...the wonderful S and my loving husband M. Will post pictures soon.



CF Sweat Test

This morning S and I headed over to the hospital for her sweat test. After being sent to the fifth office on multiple floors, I was annoyed that no one could tell us where to go. Being sick (me) and 28lbs (S) it did NOT make for a good start.

The test was relatively easy. You can read about it here. Frankly, its been a long day and I just can't get the details straight. Amen for Google!

In other news, we have an appt. with S's neurosurgeon to discuss the MRI issue (whether it is medically necessary) and see what S's balance issue is all about. That appointment is on May 28th.

On June 5th, we are visiting a new doc - a pediatric endocrinologist. They originally told me we couldn't get in until late July, but when I explained the situation (and dropped a couple names!) we got moved up to early June.

For now we are in a holding pattern. And I am holding on to hope.

Oh, and S turned 23 months old today. Happy almost birthday love!

More tomorrow.


Happy Mother's Day!!

I(N) have been lucky enough to have wonderful women in my life...and have accumulated two new moms over the past 7 years.

Anita is M's mom! She is a fantastic cook, loves to garden, and loves her family more than anything. She has taught me many things and I wish we had more time to spend together. As it stands now, we see each other once a year. I wish we could communicate better (which is my fault for not learning to speak German - hopefully soon) and I look forward to seeing her soon.

Marg is my step-mom. She also loves to garden, knows an amazing amount of information about just about anything (would totally be my life-line on Who Wants to be a Millionaire), and manages to keep my Dad in line (no small task mind you - love you Dad!). Through her love and support (and help) my Dad has accomplished amazing things. We don't see her as much as we want to either.

And then...there is my Mom.
Seven years ago I remember sitting in a hospital waiting room with my brother not knowing if my mom would make it through the night. They wouldn't let us leave in case the worst happened, so we waited through 22 hours of surgery. She had her second open-heart surgery, coded 12 times, and managed to pull through and defy the odds. She is a miracle.

My mom and I had a rocky relationship when I was a teenager (common I know) and she was often a little demanding and a little high strung. But seven years ago that all changed. It's been a honor and privilege to watch her change and grow (come to think of it she probably feels the same about me!). Through a divorce, some recurring health issues, a new love, and an overall change in perspective - what a blessing these seven years have been! These were the seven years we never expected to have that night in the hospital.

It was through her love for me and M, that S entered our lives. My Mom, tired of watching us struggle with infertility, provided us with the funding to adopt S. It is because of her, that I am here to celebrate her as a mother! And because of her I get to be a mother! I am eternally grateful for both.

Thank you Anita, Marg and Mom for being such wonderful mothers.
Happy Mother's Day!!

As for me :

I have already slept in, enjoyed my wonderful breakfast cooked by the wonderful M, THREE Mother's Day cards, a dozen red roses and a new game for the Wii! I am still in my pajamas and plan on staying in them for the day. This is just what I wanted to do on this Mother's Day!

Addendum to Happy Mother's Day Post

There is one other mother I wish to thank this day. S's birthmother made the most selfless, wonderful decision to allow S to join our family almost 2 years ago. She is a brave woman, and without her, we could not and would not be a family. Thank you C!


MRI Update

Yes, we went to our appt. on time.
No, we didn't get in right away.
Yes, they were an hour or so behind.
No, S couldn't eat or drink anything.
Yes, S was fabulous and patient.
No, we didn't get the MRI done today. And we might not.

It started with a benign conversation with the nurse reviewing S's medical history and ended with the anesthesiologist essentially refusing to move forward because of the risks to our little girl. Although I'm frustrated because we will not be getting any clues to what's happening in her noggin, if it isn't safe - then we just can't do it.

Because we don't know for sure that she doesn't have Cystic Fibrosis, or a pheochromocytoma....the anesthesiologist thought the after effects of this test were not worth the information obtained.

At a minimum, even if/when we do this test - she will have to be admitted overnight for observation. She will have to be intubated again which led to a 4 day stay because of complications the last time. And with her heart rate and blood pressure issues could lead to a medical emergency post procedure - which would be a challenge to handle because no one knows the cause.

So we wait. And explore other options.

I'm calling her neurologist to discuss her balance issue. We're going to explore the pheochromocytoma angle with an endocrinologist (as well as other thyroid/adrenal options) and continue this hunt.

Next up: CF sweat test on Tuesday morning.

For now...a nap...


Nephrology Update

This morning we visited S's nephrologist (kidney doc - for those of you outside the sicko community). He had a lot to say and a few suggestions. Based on his clinical findings, S does not have kidney disease. The swelling he experienced was not kidney related.

She DOES have high blood pressure but it does not need to be treated with medication. Apparently, although S has a track record of having high blood pressure (see graph above), her pressure drops down enough on its own (the dips on the graph that drop below the yellow line). Because she is able to do that she doesn't the sustained high pressure criteria to be medicated. But this will need to be monitored. Shocking eh? What isn't being monitored with our girl?

So now that we have a diagnosis of high blood pressure...which is nice to officially know - however...it doesn't explain the "WHY?"

The nephrologist has a few theories:

If her heartrate issues aren't cardiac, or kidney...then he thinks it has something to do with a surplus of stress hormones. Basically what he thinks is that her autonomic system is so sensitive, that it over-reacts to even the slightest stimulus. For example, her heart rate shoots up to dangerous levels when she runs a slight fever of 100 degrees. As for the reason...he doesn't know. Environmental? Allergy? Neurological? Chemical imbalance?

I was actually the one who brought up pheochromocytoma. Its a rare adrenal tumor I discovered on my late night medical research. The doc admitted that he considered it, considering her symptoms - but didn't want to pursue it right now because of the other extensive testing that is coming up. (If the problem is neuro - the MRI tomorrow will show it). I guess the testing involves some things that would be challenging for a toddler, so we will hold off for now. If the other tests don't show what is going on, then we will revisit the topic.

So there you have it. High blood pressure, not kidney related. And a possible adrenal issue.

I must sleep befpre our big day tomorrow. S's MRI is at 1:00pm. She can't eat at all and is going to be miserable and has to be sedated. Procedure is about 45 minutes long with an hour before for preparation and a few after for recoery. Then she can eat.

Things are still not well with my job....my days there are numbered but secretly(or not so) I am excited to be home with our girl.

'Night! :)


Happy Birthday Grampa Walt!!

We went out to Red Lobster tonight for Grandpa Walt's (N's Mom's Boyfriend, Common Law Husband, Sugar Daddy, Partner in Crime) 82nd Birthday! Happy Birthday Walt! Here are some pictures:

The significance of the hugging is that the kiddos haven't really hugged before so we kept making them do it. This is me getting in on the hugging action!

Tests Set...Prayers Needed

Tommorrow 5/7 - Visit with the nephrologist in the hopes he can uncover the cause of the high blood pressure.

Friday 5/8 - Brain MRI at 1:00pm. Hopefully this will show if there is any structural abnormalies that could be causing her balance and central apnea issues.

Tuesday 5/12 - Sweat test to rule out Cystic Fibrosis.

We are hoping to find answers for our little girl.

Thank you for your messages of hope and your prayers are always welcome.


In the still of the night....

I can hear you through the wall as I try to finish this project. You were snoring a few minutes ago and I chuckled to myself - since you barely snored at your sleep study, but often do at home. You have a stuffy nose tonight too, which isn't helping matters.

I went in to check on your breathing, since it sounded raspy on the monitor. And sure enough, it sounded worse up close. Fast. Shallow. Noisy. The usual for you now for a reason no one can explain. I wish I could give you a nebulizer treatment to settle it down, but I can't. Not until we figure out what is causing this. Your blood pressure will go too high and your heart too fast. Can you just slow down? Can't we all?

You noticed me standing over you and reach for me. Although it is the middle of the night and I should be writing, I want nothing more than to cuddle with you. You hand me your blanket to drape over my shoulder like a burp cloth, so you can rest your head on something comfy and familiar. This blanket/shoulder thing started the last time you were in the hospital (or was that three times ago?) They are starting to run together which makes me sad.

We sit in the rocking chair for a while and I feel your weight pressed against me as if you just can't get close enough. It's like you want to crawl back inside me - which is odd because you never were inside me. We rock. I smell your hair. After a while (certainly not long enough for me either) I need to put you back in bed. I say, "Nite-nite" and you whimper, so I hold you for a while longer. Then when you are ready (things are always on your terms) you raise your head and plant a big kiss on my face. You miss my lips but I don't mind.

I lay you back down in your bed. Hand you all your animals and your blanket. And you drift back to sleep.

And I go back to writing. But not my paper...

Nite-nite baby girl. I love you.


No news is?????

So no news on our test results. I KNOW that S's bloodwork is back at the pulmonologist's but they wouldn't tell me anything over the phone. Haven't heard on the scheduling of her MRI or sweat test yet either. So I guess it is no news for now.

Oh well. I am struggling to finish my last class of the semester...I have a huge project that is actually interesting, but I am WAY behind and it is already a few days overdue. Such is the life of a mom/student/worker with a sick kiddo.

Some of you mentioned that I should use FMLA to take care of S. I'd love to, but I am a new employee (less than 90 days) and a part-time employee with no benefits. I had a rough, rough, rough day at work today too...urgh.

Back to paper writing I go - but wanted to let you know that there is really no new news. As I write I am listening to S squeal with delight as M tries valiantly to get her ready for bed. So cute. :) More soon.


More to come, but this is a start...

We went to the Zoo today and here is a little movie of S playing in the splash park. More to come, but I must finish this ridiculous project for school before I can upload more. Enjoy!