The Story of S - Part One

A little background:

M and I met in 1997 while traveling with an international group. We were friends for years although we lived on different continents. While talking online for many months, we were discussing what we wanted in a partner. It was then we realized that we were talking about each other. But he was in Germany and I was in the US. How could this ever work?

It would work (and still is).

It was MEANT to be.

After a whirlwind courtship (two days from exiting airplane terminal to talk of marriage) we were in engaged in August of 2002. We married in M's hometown in Dec. of 2002.

I(N) have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and was diagnosed at 19 with the most severe case that my doctor had ever seen. My ovaries were scarred and covered with tiny cysts and did not create viable eggs.

Fast forward a few years. Wedding. Honeymoon. Move. Another wedding. Another honeymoon. Another move. Still no baby. A very frustrated N and M. We charted, medicated, visited specialists, etc. But still no baby. I was heartbroken and felt like a failure. Every month. Not good for my mental health - let me assure you. Still no baby.

One summer (2006) while sitting in Panera, I was lamenting to my mother about all the fertility crap we had gone through. M and I had had discussed adoption a bit, but it was VERY cost prohibitive. In an off-hand comment to my mom about the cost of adoption, she said that she would end our fertility battle and pay for our adoption. (I would later learn that she said that in hopes that I would "relax" enough to get pregnant on our own). But she did mean it and I raced home to tell M about it.

He wasn't thrilled.

You see, we (M and I) grew up in different countries with different values. In his culture, you don't buy things you can't afford, you save for a while until you can do it yourself, and families don't usually loan/give large sums of money to each other. It just wasn't on his radar that this was an option.

So I let the conversation drop, but continued to dream about becoming a mom. Because there was still no baby.

And then in August, the phone rang....